I wonder

The kids are on break until May 6 which means all of our high school students are back at home and are easily accessible.  We decided to update their photos and current information today.  One of the best parts, though, was that we got to take a group photo of  the Form 4 students (our equivalent of a Senior).  This special group contains some of the first 50 students recruited to Missions of Hope. The first.  This is so monumental. The first kids will soon graduate from high school and go on to do awesome things.

This morning as I got ready for the day I was thinking about what that must have been like for these kids.  I wonder what their parent(s) thought when Mary recruited them to school?  Did they think it was just another person wanting to "help" them because they were poor or did they notice the something different,the something very special in her? I wonder if they dreamed of the future for these children.  Did they thank God for an answer to a prayer?  I wonder what they thought when the small building at the school's initial site became a towering beacon in the slums?  A building that can be seen from the super highway!  What did they think when visitors came to their houses to pray with them and share the love of Christ?  When someone assisted them in paying school fees through sponsorship. When the school went from one school to two to 17.  What must have happened in their hearts when their kids went out to the boarding school and then passed their 8th grade national exam? I wonder what must they have thought when they were no longer given handouts or relief, but rather empowered to use the skills and talents God gave them to better their lives, their children's lives, and the world around them?  What must they be thinking now as their kids enter their 2nd term of their last year of high school?

Before that; however, while we waiting for the high schoolers to show up (some things are the same no matter what continent you are on!) I went outside the gate to see what was going on. Two sweet, little ones RAN up to me and jumped into my arms (it is no secret that I love this and I literally think my heart will explode sometimes).  In my best Swahili, I asked them their names, where they lived and where their school was.  They said "here" and pointed to Missions of Hope.  They are in nursery class.  The littlest kids at our school.  New ones.  So I wonder, where will life take them?  How will their recruitment to Missions of Hope school change their life?  What did their parent(s) think when our social workers invited them to school? When their children come home with a head full of new things?  When their kids are smiling because they KNOW they are loved.  I wonder if they thank God for an answered prayer.  If this renewed their hope.  If it displayed the love of Jesus to them. 

What the future holds for these kids only God knows.  But I wonder, will I work alongside of them at Missions of Hope someday. After they finish college or university, will they give back to the place that gave to them.  Will they be my doctor when I am sick?  Will they become a welder and make windows and desks for our schools?  Will they hold public office?  Will one of them be president?  I wonder if they will pastor a church?  or be a missionary?  Will they stand up against injustice?  Will they fight against the power of poverty? 

I wonder.

In the gap

I never know exactly how to start these blogs.  How to start sharing what is pouring out of my heart and my coffee fueled mind. So I am just gonna begin and see where it leads.  I am ever so thankful for what we are being taught.  How we get to see things through the eyes of people who are here for the long haul.  Things look so much different for us now.  Our feet are planted here and we are growing roots.  As we do that our perspective changes so much.

We work in a place that has an abundance of problems and needs.  If you have been here (or some place similar), seen photos, or heard stories you know what I mean.  For every need met, about a billion more arise and stare you in the face.  At times, it can feel like walking in quicksand or running on treadmill.  Working so hard, but not really "going" anywhere. 

People come and visit or hear of the ministry and immediately begin to think of ways to fix it all (confession: I am very guilty of this!).  And we want the problem solved like yesterday.  Faster than immediate. We meet a family, they share a need, we jump into saviour mode.  And in many ways our compassion is awesome and admirable. The problem is-we aren't the saviour. At all.  We certainly get to be a part of sharing his love with the world, but we are not Him.  And in the rush to meet needs and the frustration that can follow when those needs are not met how and when we think they should be sometimes I think we are missing the most important part of the equation.  Jesus.

The ministry we are a part of moves so quickly.  And so slowly.  Simultaneously. Missions of Hope has experienced tremendous growth in a few short years, but the work being done here is at times moves at what feels like a snail's pace.  To me.  To us.  To Jesus, it is moving exactly how it should. We aren't just getting kids in school, or helping parents start businesses, or teaching health lessons and so on and so on.  Along with all these things, there needs to be a change of mind and more importantly a change of heart for this to be lasting.  To be sustaining.  And those sort of changes just take time.

 This week there has been a lot of that swirling around me. Stories that have crushed my heart. People with ideas and fervor to change them. Right.This. Second. But so many times, right this second isn't going to happen. And this week I have been struck so many times by the phrase "in the gap". 

In the gap. The space between.  The time that elapses.  Jesus is in that.  He is so much in that.  And in that space, He is enough.  Actually,He is so much more than enough.  For all these families and children who capture our hearts, He loves them more.  I think these kid's smiles give me joy, but they give him even more. He delights in them.  And their families. Their neighbors.  He sees so much more about them than anyone else ever will.  Their needs, desires, dreams, heartaches, stories NEVER escape him.  When they hurt, he is with them.  While they wait (while we wait), he is beside them (and us), when they rejoice, he does too. 

And I think this is not to be overlooked as we work to share His love.  In the meantime, while we get frustrated or annoyed with the time something is taking to happen Jesus knows exactly when and how it is all this is going to work out.  We are tasked with trusting him.  With waiting on him. In the gap.

While God is working in us, giving us the desire and power to do what pleases him (Phil 2:13), it is probably worth remembering that He is still enough.  I do what I can with what He gives me and then I trust him, place my faith in Him to do the rest. 

As we continue to work here, as you continue to work where you are or where you are going, as you come here to work, let us remember that Christ is present in the gap.  He is enough.  Always.  He cares, He loves, He sees. He is also in the business of bringing the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth in his ever so perfect timing.  So in the meantime, let us do what we can with what we have been given and may we patiently wait upon Him, while standing in the gap with them.

(I definitely recognize how weird it is that I would be talking about having patience.  If God is teaching me anything it is about patience.  And I don't always learn the easy way.  I love that God is showing me the beauty of waiting.  I love that he has is changing my heart in a way that I get to be the one who says "it will happen when the time is right" "it is okay to wait" etc.  I sound like Tim :)

A New Year and Finally a New Post!

It is hard to believe it is 2013 already. Also hard to believe it has been over 3 months since we have updated our blog. 

On this day last year, we were both getting over the flu and heading to Colorado for 5 weeks for missionary school.  We knew we would be leaving for Kenya soon, but we still had no departure date.  Everything was so unknown to us and "being in limbo" had taken on totally new meaning. Transition was the best way to describe our lives.

And now, on this day, I sit in our home in Nairobi.  We are just a few days away from being here for 10 months.  So close to a whole year and that plane ride to Colorado seems like ages ago.  Without a doubt, the transition has continued.  And will continue for quite some time, but with it has come some settlement and routine.  This has likely been the most paradoxical year of our lives.  It has been the hardest and the easiest.  Filled with many tears and so much joy.  Full of challenges and accomplishments.  A great deal of confusion and normalcy.  More goodbyes and hellos than have ever been said in our lives (probably combined).  We have learned more about who we are and about each other.  We have been frustrated and happy.  Pick an emotion and we have likely felt it at its extreme.  It feels like we just arrived and yet have been here forever.  It seems like the more we learn, the more there is to learn.  We have learned dependence and independence.  We have learned shillings and forgot what dollars look like.  We have learned driving on the other sideof the road and the car.  We have learned exhaustion and energized.  We have done Christmas together and apart from our families at the same time.  We have learned how to make things from scratch and to be thankful when people send us food and other great things that we love.  We have learned that distance changes relationships.  Sometimes for the better, sometimes not.  We have tried to support friends who are hurting from afar and felt the sting of the many miles that seperate.  We have felt love from others like never before.

As I reflect (isn't that customary for the first of the year?) my cheeks are stained with tears (no surprise in that).  We are where we should be.  In the midst of the negative emotions we have experienced, we have experienced peace like never before.  We have been waiting to be here for so long.  And here we are.  We missed the holidays with loved ones, but God gave us people we love here to spend time with.  It was kind of great to be celebrating Jesus in the place He has brought us to share His love. 

We are overwhelmed with thankfulness almost daily.  Thankful to God for sustaining us.  For allowing us to be a part of this. Thankful for new friends and old ones.  Thankful for supporters.  Those who support financially, prayerfully, and through regular encouragement.  Thankful for our families and the way they make time to share our lives with us and keep us inolved in their lives.

And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  Ephesians 3:18

We are quite literally drowning in God's love.  All the time.  Every single second of every single day.  For this we are most thankful.  Our prayer is that 2013 is full of blessings for you.  May you be aware of how saturating the love of God really is. 

Pour

Several times in the past few months a visitor has asked if their coming to Missions of Hope really matters. Is it really worth it they ask.  And of course we say yes, because it is worth it and it does matter.  The last person to ask this really wanted to know why and how.  How their team made a difference when so many others have been here doing VBS, a medical camp, Bring the Light, etc.  And to that I replied that it seemed like a big container that was being filled one small teaspoon at a time.  Every drop of water fills the pitcher slowly by slowly, and at times it can be hard to see how one small amount makes any difference.  (Disclaimer, those words must have come from the Spirit because I had never really thought about it that way before-thankful He gives me words to speak).

Every time someone comes and plays games, shares Bible stories, songs, snacks, hugs with these kids, it matters.  You pour.  When people share the light of Christ in the homes and the community, the pitcher fills a little more. When teams spend time with the staff washing their feet, encouraging them, training and assisting them, getting to know them etc.  Another teaspoon goes in.  When you eat in our home and allow us to see this place and this ministry through your eyes, you pour.  When teams return to their homes and share about their trip and ways to get involved, the water in the cup rises a little. When you leave and are never the same again-you guessed it-more pouring.

For those of us who remain, there really isn't a day that goes by where we are not aware of how much the pouring in matters.  We see happy children who are still excited by your visit.  Kids who remember the songs and memory verses you taught them. We see new schools being built as a result of your giving.  We see gifts and such sweet letters being sent to the students as sponsors build a beautiful relationship with them.  We see the Business department work tirelessly to keep up with all the new businesses and loans happening because of BigDent.  We see people finding hope in hopelessness.  Living in the light of Christ.

As Americans, many of us tend to be task oriented.  We want to see the end results, a project completed, some numbers to share.  I know this very well.   Kind of embarrassingly, I delight in my to-do list being completed.  I even give myself little check marks as I complete a task.  I am really finding the beauty in the slowness of the cup-filling. The planting seeds but perhaps never seeing the harvest.  This isn't about what I or you can accomplish. What we can tick off a list, but about going and just doing. Allowing God to complete this. A reminder that He has the control.  Long before we came and long after we are gone, He is still about the cup running over. About fruit. About eternity.

Keep pouring.  We may not always see the pitcher filled, the fruit harvested, but it's happening.  Slowly by slowly.  Drop by drop.

The Distance

Yesterday, I was blessed to go to coffee with Kathy (CMF missionary) (side note: so thankful to live in a place that I can get some awesome treats).  As we were chatting, she asked how we were doing.  I think Tim and I get asked this question at least 4 times per week.  She asked about various stages of culture shock and which one we thought we might be in-if any at all.  After a pause, I answered her with a "we just feel normal."  And we do.  As I left the house that morning to meet her, I thought of how it just feels like regular life here.  We have a routine.  Certain routes we take.  We buy groceries, veggies, meat at "our" places.  We work, come home, make dinner, chill, go to bed.  We get frustrated.  We would be lying if we said we didn't.  We get confused, feel uncertain, get sad.  We miss our families.  Our friends.  But like I told Kathy, in this we have this peace and this joy unlike anything we have ever experienced.  

It is so strange too because this peace and this joy are just there.  They seem to just hang in the air unnoticed.  We aren't generally bursting with joy, yet we feel it in the depths.  The peace is just a regular everyday calmness.  Perhaps it is the ease of normalcy.  Until we are asked about how we are doing we hardly think about it and yet we know it's there. 

The other day someone we love posted this verse on facebook Matt 19:27-30 and said it caused her to think of us (what an amazing compliment).  As I read those familiar verses, I couldn't help but think of the joy we have been given since we got here.  How, even though we miss those we love SO much, we are at peace.  This makes me love Jesus even more.  We are asked to follow.  To be obedient.  We aren't owed anything by Him, we have received life forever which is more than enough and YET He gives beautiful gifts to us so abundantly.  So richly.  And for Tim and I,  so often.  In this, some things barely feel like a sacrifice, but more like awesomeness!  Who are we that we get to do this!

But today, we feel this sacrifice.  In our hearts, it weighs so heavily.  We got a message yesterday that one of our closest friend's father passed away suddenly.  In that moment, we wanted nothing more than to hop in the car and go to them.  To hug them, to love them.  To take their kids to the park or something so they could mourn together, make arrangements, whatever.  And we can't. No matter how much we are aching for this, it cannot be done. So we must rely on technology to connect us.  And most importantly, prayer.  I have spent most of the morning praying for them. Praying that Jesus will give them so many people to do the things we want to do but can't.  He will because He loves them.  And so A LOT of other people.

Today this distance has settled in our hearts.  It feels funny.  We feel so in the middle today.  We want to be there, but yet want to be here.  We can't have both.  We love life here, but miss people there. Both of these things are okay-yet they feel conflicting. 

In January, we will have a new nephew.  He will likely be a year and a half old when we get to kiss his face, hold him, change a diaper.  Those are now our realities.  What a paradox our life is now.  As we navigate this new normal, we are so thankful for the riches poured out on us and on those we love.  Thankful for pizza, chicken wings, and belly laughs with new friends.  For coffee and pastries with someone I look up to. For technology so we can see the faces and hear voices of the ones we love.  For ease in transition.  For frustrations and uncertainties that cause us to seek out the face of Jesus.  For reliance on the Spirit dwelling in our hearts.

Today the distance feels far. Today the paradox is so real, so fresh.  Please, please lift our friends up in prayer.  If you know who we are talking about, please love on them a little extra for us. 

A Random Update

I cannot even count the number of blogs I have written in the past 2 months in my head.  Too bad none of them actually got out of my head and onto the screen!  These past 2 months have moved so quickly and have been so crazy. Some days I feel as though we live in the middle of a tornado.  But we love it. We are certainly learning what it looks like to live here and to work here by doing.  There is really no watching.  Things move too fast. There have been so many teams and other visitors in the past two months.  We have met a ton of people, answered questions, asked questions, ate dinners with new friends, worked alongside people who want to share love to those living here, and been constantly reminded of the overwhelming presence of God here.  Each night we fall into bed and sleep soundly.  This is generally after we have already been asleep on the couch for awhile. Our energy and hearts are being poured out daily.  This is the best kind of exhaustion.

Sometimes, however, all of this makes us grouchy.  It brings out our flaws and insecurities.  We totally get to see who we are under pressure or when things aren't how we pictured them that day, that moment, or that week.  We get to decide who we want to be.  Will we extend grace?  Will we show love? Will we have patience?  Will we change things that aren't healthy or good? This might be what some would call gut-check time.  Or perhaps heart-check time.

I would love to say we always choose the best.  But let's be honest-you know us.  We just don't.  It stinks sometimes to reflect on the day knowing you could have shown more grace or been more patient or relaxed about something just a little more.  On the flip side of that, I love seeing the things in myself that need repaired.  Or seeing things in others that we want to avoid.

We have learned so quickly that our lives will now be full of goodbyes.  They seem to be a constant. Just a few hours ago we said goodbye to 14 interns that we got to know pretty well this summer.  We have welcomed teams and other people and we have also said farewell to them.  We had family and close friends in our home and spent some awesome time with them.  And then we said goodbye. Again.  We have more people coming.  And going.  Although the goodbyes are not nearly as fun as the hellos, it is so awesome to be meeting people from all over the place with whom we share a passion.

We are so comfortable in our home.  Especially when its clean :)  We have hosted several teams, friends, and the interns.  I have been driving myself around a little more and Tim continues to be the pro.  Pretty sure he was born a Kenyan driver.  We are getting to know more and more of our
co-workers and are really enjoying them so much.

We miss our family and our friends.  We love it when we get to talk with them or "see" them.  Even though at times we ache to be near them, we are so constantly assured that we are where we ought to be.  Where we want to be.  Sometimes I can't believe how comfortable we are here.  Even at the end of the longest days,  we love it here.  Even when days are challenging, we want to be here.

Our minds our constantly spinning with all of these things combined with continuing to learn about Missions of Hope, Nairobi, meeting visitors, keep up with far away loved ones, connecting with each other, and with Christ.  Thanks to you all for you thoughts, prayers, and constant encouragement.  They are a precious gift to us.

So this is the randomness that has been in my head and heart for the past two months.  Finally, it has found its place on the screen!

Finally some pictures

Finally, we are posting some pictures.  I cannot figure out how to get the layout of these to look the way I want so this was the best i could do :)  If you are our friend on Facebook, you might have seen some of these pictures, but if you aren't we wanted to share a little bit about the place we call home with you.   Well, just the outside. We are still working on the inside.  Today, someone is here sewing us new couch covers and in a few weeks the team from West Side will be bringing more of our household goods.  After that we can give you a glimpse of the inside.  We love this place and feel so comfortable here. I just told Tim last night that I think I feel safer here than a few others places I have lived in. Perhaps that is because our door bolts into the wall, ceiling, and floor, there are bars on the windows, and we are on the fourth floor.  Who knows?!?!

Some of the others are on our way to work and at work.  We really don't take our camera with us much so our selection of photos is a little limited.  Enjoy!!

We didn't know when we moved in we would have
lake-front property (only during rainy season)..
Or a breeding ground for mosquitos!

Where we do our laundry

The road to work

Juja Road.  We turn off of this road to get to the center.
There are just a few obstacles to watch out for.

Missions of Hope Center.
Where we work   

Always construction.  And for awhile
there was also always rain.

Cooking dinner by candlelight.
We lose power sometimes and usually right in the middle
of doing something important.

View from Missions of Hope Center.

We might have used some of the money we
got from selling our car to go to the beach
to celebrate our anniversary.

I might have cried because it was so amazing.

View from the front porch.
The large black things you see are the water tanks.

View of our street.  At the end and across the street
is a fruits and vegetable market.

 What I assume would be the google earth
street view!

The sunset we can see from the back porch.  So incredible!