I have a confession to make. I read through this blog quite often. I start from the beginning and read it right up through the last post. By the time I am finished my cheeks are stained with tears and my heart is bursting with love. What a reminder this blog is to us of God's provision and direction in our lives. The prompting in our hearts to leave it all and go to Kenya is so obvious when I read the words we have written over the past few years. When I feel inadequate, incompetent, hestitant, scared, unworthy (and I feel all of these emotions quite often), I can reread these words and feel satisfied in knowing we are headed where we need to be headed.
I was pondering all these things last Sunday on my way to church in Winchester, somewhat overwhelmed by all God has done in us and through us in the past 2 years. When my dad started preaching he started from Psalm 105.
Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness.Let the whole world know what he has done. Sing to him; yes, sing his praises.Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds. Exalt in his holy name;rejoice, you who worship the Lord. Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him. Remember the wonders he has performed, his miracles, and the rulings he has given, you children of his servant Abraham, you descendants of Jacob, his chosen ones. He is the Lord our God. His justice is seen throughout the land. He always stands by his covenant—the commitment he made to a thousand generations. vs 1-8
Basically a reminder to them to recall the things that God has done for them throughout their history. When they are doubting God and his promises or where He is leading them to now, or why they are enduring the things they are enduring, this is a call to stop and remember. To remember the characted of the God they serve, the God they love, the God who loves them, the God who never fails or breaks his promises. This wasn't just great advice for them it is for all of us. Especially me most days!
When I stop and think of my life, I can so clearly see God all over it, even when was not looking for him. From making a decision to call him Savior, to choosing to live life for myself, to returning to Him and to a life lived for him, I can see how He was in my life the entire time. Loving me, guiding me, protecting me, waiting for me. My God has given me family and friends who have loved me, prayed for me, and encouraged me- even when I made that challenging. Through them He has given me glimpses of his grace and unfailing love. He has gifted me with a husband who shares my passion for serving others and for the nations. He has allowed us to be part of impacting the world and expanding his Kindgom. Through all of this He remains unchanged.
When I feel unworthy (which I am) or unequipt for this journey I think back over my story thus far and am reminded that I don't have to be anything but willing and obedient because My God is faithful to me, to his people throughout the generations.